The Curse of Online dating: A Game Without Rules!
50 years back, researchers would study the human behavior behind being persistent in love and relationships. They found the answer in the famous “Interdependence Theory” wherein dependence is based upon three essential features fulfillment, quality of alternatives and investment. But how did the arena of love ended up encountering The Curse of Online dating? The mystery behind finding the right person has turned into an addictive but vicious game.
The “easy alternative theory”:
Like today, humans since times immemorial have been surrounded by potential mating alternatives. It’s human nature to be attracted to someone, however, the unavailability of abundance in the old days made people stick to the ones that were already present in their lives rather than constantly evaluating and looking past other “options”. Back in those days peoples’ love alternatives didn’t comprise of a million attractive and random strangers from Tinder, Instagram, Facebook or twitter.
Quick intimacy –
Give us a few minutes we can weave a witty message as a conversation starter. Things that we’d otherwise take time to open about in real life to someone, are easier to talk about in the online space. The quicker the intimacy, the quicker you reach your saturation point, no wonder moving ahead doesn’t seem too hard. (though the reality may be otherwise)
We want love and connection, but we’re low on patience:
Maslow’s need hierarchy theory has placed love and sex as the basic physiological needs. We read about success stories online, and deep down we all want that. But we jump into flirting, sexting, casual sex, get attached, then brush aside those thoughts out of the fear of getting hurt, cut off and move ahead to a new “right swipe”. It’s this vicious cycle which is The Curse of Online dating. Let’s not forget that Love takes time. (Psst..Do read how men fall in love)
Easy deception, easier delusion:
People are often not 100% true about themselves in life. However this minor twisting of facts about self rises exponentially when we communicate online. You just need a person’s name and you can stalk them on Facebook know about their likes/dislikes and manipulate your conversation into arresting their attention. Such mind games were absent back in the times when the internet hadn’t been present.
Infidelity: Everything can start with just a click.
There are websites like AshleyMadison.com, with an eyeball grabbing tagline “Life is short, have an Affair”, which suggests how easily the internet fosters cheating. Instead of focusing on bridging the differences in a relationship, we distract ourselves into climbing new ones.
The truth behind “back-burner relationships”-
A leading study by Harvard has defined the term back-burner as that backup option with which a person wouldn’t mind having mental and physical intimacy, in case things get messed up in their current relationship. Having a back-burner isn’t bad.However Studies show that the number of back-burners has escalated many notches due to online dating. With women having 1 back-burner on an average and men as much as 4.
So where are we headed to? It’s true that approaching someone in real life takes a lot of courage and it’s the fear of rejection which pushes people towards online dating with a hope to find that connection. But this is where the entire problem had started. Abundance often makes us value things less. Let’s first free ourselves from this “abundance” that we have subjected ourselves to. Perhaps it’s time to go old school 🙂