What happens when we breakup?
I am sure you all will agree when I say that emotions sometimes can be both a blessing as well as a curse. In fact they are the most addictive things available to you.
Scientifically it’s a proven fact that when we fall in love it’s not because of our heart, instead it’s our brain which starts behaving in a different way. The brain is hit with massive surges of dopamine (brain scans show that our minds follow very similar patterns when influenced by cocaine or nicotine, *surprising right!*)
Things might have just ended in a moment, but the sad part is that our feelings for the person are persistent. They are obstinate. Like a crying baby who doesn’t have access to his mother that it so yearns for, our minds also suddenly feel the pain of sudden abandonment. And once we have made futile attempts in satiating the pain, then the happy chemicals are suddenly replaced with a flood of cortisol (stress hormone) and adrenaline.
“So now is the time to make and important decision…time to break free from the clutches of despondency. Either work yourself up in getting back that lost person again, or go make yourself a more valuable partner and find someone else”
How can we go about it?
Don’t hold back the pain: instead sit back, contemplate, accept the fact that you have been hurt and cry. When you accept the breakup, your pain and hurt, it helps your mind reach that optimum level ahead of which the tears would no longer roll down your cheeks.
Meditate: it’s not something old school or rubbish, its proven to help one control their thoughts and evolve as a stronger being. It would help in sidelining the breakup thoughts.
Take out time for those whom you tended to ignore the time you were in a relationship: it may be your family or those school buddies. Everything is rosy when we are in a relationship, but in the process we often end up hurting the ones who truly care for us. Go back patch things with them and catch up like the old times. You will think less about the breakup.
Set new goals: they can be related to academics, your career, your health anything. Sometimes it’s best to distract your mind my indulging yourself in work. This is one of the oldest and the best methods to help you get over that person.
Give that new person a chance: I know you might say how it’s just impossible to imagine your life with anyone else, such thoughts are pretty normal after a breakup. But trust me like every phase this too shall pass. Go out, make new friends and maybe say yes to that guy who has long been asking you out for a coffee.
Nurture the ‘you’ that felt the most stifled: in any failed relationship there is bound to be a part of you that felt like it was discouraged by your ex. Maybe it was your habit of playing too much video game, or spending time with your buddies, or your work. Whatever it was now is the time to go and inhabit that side of you to the fullest. You not everything about a breakup is bad. So go be you…all of you!
Analyze: calm down and find out what went wrong. Sometimes it’s possible to mend things and get back together. It surely would be the best feeling. But most of the times there are no second chances. So be strong, move ahead and make sure that the mistakes of your past relationship are not repeated in future. Don’t let the breakup break you.
Keep some part of them always alive in your heart: you may say that this might just backfire and that you would be back to square one. No, I have a different take on it. For example- post breakup you block the person, delete all their pictures and texts, but ask yourself how much does this actually help? You can’t just forget a person easily if that person gave you so much to remember. Accept that things can’t be changed, but always remember all the positive impact that person had in your life and wish them luck.
There would be many days when you feel like quitting. When you would simply want to hold that person again in your arms and embrace them, but you have to stay strong. There would be many ups and downs. But remember that life is too short to spend even a single moment miserable. Some people are just meant to be a part of a chapter in the story of your lives. So chase your dreams and create an amazing life. And the most important…….don’t be afraid to fall in love again.